When Your Best Friend Is Gone: Pet Loss And Bereavement

Resource For Veterinarians

Objectives:

Students will be encouraged to explore their feelings and beliefs about death and pet loss.
Students will be introduced to the various stages of grief and taught skills on how to constructively deal with their feelings of grief.
Students will receive accurate information on euthanasia and encouraged to ask questions about the topic.
Students will have a chance to share their personal experiences and learn how their peers have coped with the loss of a pet.

Basic Concepts:

All living things should be valued.
All living things eventually die.
We grieve when faced with a death.
Different stages of grief may be observed:
Denial
Anger (resentment/guilt)
Bargaining
Depression (anger/guilt turned inward)
Acceptance (resolution)
Response to the death of a pet loss may be similar that of a human loss.
Compassion should be shown for those who grieve.
People react to death in many ways
There are different ways to mourn constructively.

Presentation Pointers

The death of a pet can have a significant impact on a child’s life. This subject should be treated with care and sensitivity. Companion animals are often very important to children. Often, the child’s pet is his or her best friend. An abundance of children’s literature illustrates and reflects the loyalty and friendship children and their pets share. It is no wonder, then, that the death of a companion animal is significant to the child.

Children are eager to talk about death. Consequently, they need opportunities to share their losses. This lesson on pet loss will provide children with the chance to explore and examine their feelings.

The pet bereavement lesson has another, equally important purpose. Often, the death of an animal is a child’s first experience with death. Generally, the strategies learned while coping with the pet’s death will be used when facing the loss of a human loved one. A lesson that encourages discussion about coping strategies will help children deal with death.

It is important for the presenter to plan time for the children to reveal their prior knowledge about the topic of study. The information shared will help the presenter and the classroom teacher design activities that will help the children learn about this particular topic. For this unit, it is very important for children to voice their experiences, concerns and fears. Once expressed, the frightening aspects of pet loss can be dealt with more easily. For example, one researcher wrote of a case where a child was afraid to have surgery because the anaesthesiologist would “put him to sleep.” The child’s pet had been “put to sleep” by a veterinarian and the child thought the terms meant the same thing. Appropriate terminology should be an important concern for both the classroom teacher and the presenter.

The presenter should be aware of the religious implications of the subject matter. Many religions do not “offer” a pet heaven, and commenting about an afterlife may not coincide with the children’s families’ beliefs. It is advisable for the presenter to suggest that children consult their parents or religious advisors on questions that concern religious beliefs.

Presentation Overview

Ask the classroom teacher to have the students complete the Pet Loss Survey. Responses to the survey will provide both the classroom teacher and the presenter with valuable information about students in the class and their experience with pets and pet death.

Review and understand the objectives of your presentation.

Examine how children perceive death:

The death of a pet can be as significant as the death of any other member of the family.
A pet’s death may be a child’s first experience with death. The child may be frightened and confused.
The child may question his or her own mortality, and that of parents.
The child may feel threatened and less secure.
The degree of attachment of a child to a pet, and the child’s age will influence the type and severity of their response to death:
0 – 5 Years:     Death as deep sleep; dead can return (Snow White/Sleeping Beauty); death can be avoided
5 – 9 Years:     Death is real, but may still be avoided; some people/animals die, some don’t; death is personified (Grim Reaper, Boogey Man)
9 + Years:       Concept of death is similar to adults; death is final, inevitable and universal.
Grief is more profound for children nine years or older than it is for those younger than nine years. Younger children adapt more easily, while older children or those with strong attachment need a longer time to recover.

Review the grieving process. Mourning is a natural reaction to death and it is a healthy process. The most intense grief is usually experienced within a few hours to 14 days after death. However, some grief symptoms may surface weeks or months after the loss. After a period of intense grief, emotions usually lessen in intensity and frequency. Possible grief emotions include nervousness, preoccupation and agitation. Withdrawal may surface later. It is important to note that children may experience some or all of the following stages in any order:

Denial: Child may deny the death has occurred.
Anger and Guilt: Child may be angry at pet, parents, veterinarian or him/herself. Child may feel guilt over pet’s death.
Bargaining: Child may make deals with him/herself in exchange for pet’s reappearance (I’ll make my bed / I won’t fight with my brother)
Depression: Anger and guilt turned inward. Symptoms include insomnia, increased sleep and increased crying
Resolution: Finality of death registered. Includes ability to think about deceased without intense emotional response.

Discuss strategies that will help students cope with the death of a pet:

Grieve—It is acceptable and will help acknowledge the loss
Create a memorial service
Explore their feelings by writing about them
Keep some of the pet’s belongings
Remember that all living things must die
Recall and re-experience the good times they had with the pet
Talk about and share their feelings
Affirm the children’s feelings (Grief is part of the recovery process; by denying one we deny the other)

Discuss the issue of getting a new pet. Allow ample time for healing before acquiring a new pet, or the child may feel betrayal toward the deceased pet.

Possible In-Class Activities

Read a story as an initiating strategy.

Divide students into groups and brainstorm on the protagonist’s response(s) to death.

Have the entire group discuss ways in which the main character responded to death.

Ask the groups or the class about the possible ways that one can mourn constructively.

List ideas on the board or on an overhead.

Discuss why compassion for those who grieve is important.

Allow time for children to share their experiences.

Don’t worry if all the goals aren’t met during your presentation. The classroom teacher has the opportunity to use follow-up activities. These activities may include:

Bulletin Board—Students may construct a bulletin board to commemorate pets that have died. Drawings, photographs, mementos and stories about the pets may be included in a colourful display that pays tribute to these special animals.

Pet Memorial—Students may create a memorial for a deceased pet with collages, photographs, drawings or paintings. They may write a story or poem about the pet. Or, students may wish to make a donation to a charitable organization in the name of the pet, plant a tree or flowers in a special place, or conduct a memorial service.

Animal Heroes—Students can research and report on a special or famous animal that is no longer alive. Animals from movies or television, war dogs or cavalry horses are appropriate subjects for this study.